When assessing and discussing marriage, people talk about how compatible they are, but the question: “Is your spouse a good companion?” seldom arises. When it does, people often talk about their spouse being a good parent, good sports coach to their kid’s team or being a good cook etc.
What is a good companion? It would probably be defined differently amongst people and the criteria would also differ. Some people say that a good companion listens, is willing to talk, shares interests with you, is honest, reliable, kind, thoughtful, and respectful, just to mention a few. As you think of this, what comes up for you? As you make your mental list of what makes a good companion, now take a look at your spouse and yourself. Are you a good companion? Do you take interest in what your spouse does or is interested in? Does your spouse do the same for you?
In cases of addiction and intimacy anorexia, you are not going to be able to be a good companion at this time. Addictions and Intimacy Anorexia draws you away from people and robs you of the ability to create emotional intimacy. People stuck in an addiction focus mainly on themselves and how to feed their addiction. It’s only through the recovery process that the person with the addiction can learn to honest, open, empathetic and eventually become a good companion. Addiction recovery focuses not only on sobriety, but also on how to become a better companion by targeting empathy building and emotional bonding.
Marriage is complex and many factors have to work well in order to maintain a connected, loving marriage- companionship is certainly one of them.
Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.
Ingela Edwards, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS is an individual and marriage therapist