Anger alerts us to the fact that something is wrong. We need to stop and figure out
what is beneath the anger. Is it that we have been betrayed, disrespected or
that we feel fearful and unimportant? On the surface, we fume and show our anger, but within we may feel wounded.
If you have been betrayed by your spouse due to lies, infidelity or sex addiction,
then you are probably on an emotional roller coaster. You may be experiencing
rage, despair, numbness and shock. There are days when you allow the tears and the feelings of pain to sink in, and there may be days where you fight off the feelings of pain. Instead of showing the pain, your body oozes of anger and resentment.
Anger is normal. Anger can also be toxic. If you stay in a state of anger and resentment, your world becomes small and dark. Not only have you been betrayed by someone you thought you could count on, but you may now be abandoning yourself by succumbing to the darkness of anger to rule your life.
At first, your anger is 100 percent legitimate. However, if you are still consumed by anger and resentment months following disclosure, then it is time to get to work to spew out the anger that holds you trapped. If you stay in this world, you will not be able to be your best self as a parent, friend, spouse or sibling.
Try to analyze your anger: what specifically are you angry about? What fears are involved in the anger? Write an anger letter where you write down everything that you feel and think. DO NOT send this letter or allow the person whom you are addressing in the letter to see this letter. This is a private “spew your anger” moment. Read it out loud to yourself several times, then do something to release the built up anger. Some people prefer to hit a pillow, some need to go for a run and some prefer to throw ice cubes to release the built up anger. Do what works best for you. Find a therapist who has training in healing from betrayal, and allow yourself to be guided and encouraged as you work through
what is keeping you trapped.
Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC-Intern, NCC, therapist at McKinney Counseling and Recovery, specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. McKinney Counseling & Recovery serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Dallas and Sherman area.
Ingela Edwards, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS is an individual and marriage therapist