|
UPCOMING TRAININGS TOWARD CERTIFICATION
APSATS 4 Day MPTM Live Training October 19-22, 2016 Registration is now open Our next live web-based training is coming soon! Registration is open and we are already receiving registrations! This 4 day training will take place in the Greater Cincinnati Ohio area October 19-22, 2016. This face to face training will take place at the Marriott Courtyard, West Chester OH where we have a special rate of $129 per night. Those rooms at that rate will be gone quickly, so register soon!! Register right away to make sure you don't miss this opportunity. Requirements to attend all trainings:
Sign up today. What is APSATS? The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) is a non-profit organization dedicated to the professional training and certification, public education, research, and advocacy for treatment of sex addiction- induced trauma. APSATS is the only organization that specializes in the preparation and certification of Partner Specialists. We train and certify Certified Clinical Partner Specialists (CCPS) and Certified Partner Coaches (CPC) who subscribe to a developing treatment model that acknowledges and responds to the traumatic stress found in partners affected by sex addiction. You may be asking yourself, why should I bother obtaining more training and certification? Why Seek Certification? This certification will not only give you the ability to offer partners of sex addicts better treatment, but it will make you highly marketable. Since the release of the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, co-authored by Dr. Barbara Steffens, president of APSATS, partners are desperate to find professionals who work from this model! Emails are pouring in asking for referrals to therapists who have been trained by APSATS. Once you receive the certification (this four day course completes the training portion of the certification requirements), your name and information will be listed on the APSATS website. Learn More New Address Our new address is 8859 Cincinnati-Dayton Rd Suite 203, West Chester OH 45069. Phone 513-644-8023 Join with us! Please sign up to receive regular information on training opportunities, locations, research, and advocacy issues related to sex addiction and its traumatic impact on the partner. Join our mailing list now!  When trust has been broken in a relationship, it is a long, hard road to travel in order for trust to be fully restored. In the meantime, it may be tempting to check up on the person who has not been truthful to you. Maybe you need the validation that they are actually being honest; therefore, you check up on them to ease your fears of further betrayal. Worst-case scenario, you check up on the person who has broken your trust, find something that contradicts what you have been told to be the truth, and now you are also stuck with keeping secrets, unless you have a plan set in place that will kept you accountable for what you were going to do with that information. If you snoop around, and find something, are you leaving? Are you staying? Or does looking only set you up for further hurt, unless you are ready to do something with the information that you now have?
It is a traumatizing event to discover that your loved one is not who you thought they were. You may experience intrusive thoughts, staying hyper alert to additional signs of betrayal and your anxiety may be through the roof. Complete transparency from the addicts is a requirement following disclosure. There needs to be access to all bank accounts, email accounts, social media etc. until trust is rebuilt. What if you find your spouse’s recovery workbook lying around? You may be tempted to take a peek at what is inside, as you seek to know the truth. Here is where you need to ask yourself: “What am I going to do with that information?” What if you find information that is disturbing or troubling, or quite not what you had heard “the truth” to be? Now, you are the keeper of secrets unless you are planning to admit to looking. You may start setting truth traps and asking questions to see if he/she will answer them truthfully. Maybe you re-traumatize yourself and feel additional panic attacks brewing, and for what? You only hurt yourself further. A formal disclosure session should be scheduled with your therapist and the addict’s therapist where the truth, facts and details can come out. This way, you will be prepared in advance, you get to ask for what you want to know and you have support through out the process. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.  Some people are in emotionally abusive relationships and they do not realize it. The emotional abusiveness may be is so covert that you might not recognize that it is happening to you. These tactics may be strategically hidden away, yet utilized in order to put you on the crazy train. Others are so obvious, but you could be left feeling so baffled that you lose your ability to respond. How can you spot that you may be the target of these tactics? Here are some situations that you may want to watch for:
With a yelling partner, you may want to say something like: ”I can tell that you are angry right now. I do want to talk to you about this, so please come back later when we can both talk about this calmly.” Keep stating this until the conversation actually takes place without yelling. For blame shifting or bombarding you with more topics, it still comes down to staying on the topic by stating things like, ”we can talk about your suggested topic at a different time, right now we are discussing X.” Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and sex addiction related issues. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.  Emotional intimacy is created over time between friends, lovers, spouses and family members. Emotional intimacy is building and creating a special, deep emotional bond with another. Sharing feelings, experiences and genuine care for the other creates it. You have arrived when you feel emotionally safe regardless of what obstacle you are facing. You do not withhold. You do not walk on eggshells, and you know the other speaks their truth.
Emotional intimacy develops over time when we chose to open ourselves up to truly sharing who we are and what we feel. It comes from talking and expressing deep topics, issues, concerns, hopes, wishes and dreams. It is built when we go beyond fantasy football, stock market and today’s weather report. It can be developed when sharing spiritual beliefs, expressing what love truly means, exploring our purpose on earth, and analyzing what the infinity of the universe actually means. I have nothing against fantasy football. I believe in freeing the mind at times and creating occasional escapes from the real world. I bring up fantasy football due to Hara Estroff Marano’s latest article in Psychology Today, (April 2016). The article is about gender balance in today’s society, but she points out how disengagement in relationships is increasing. She states, “ Many young men get caught in the compelling algorithms of gaming, pornography, and fantasy football.” There are so many people who feel alone in their relationships. Their spouse is physically there, but choose to instead engage in online activities that prevent emotional intimacy to grow. It is a blocker. Gaming, pornography, fantasy football amongst other activities stunts the growth and the potential of emotional intimacy in the relationship. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.  When a couple is facing relationship repair following the discovery of infidelity or sex addition betrayal, defensiveness and anger outbursts can be extremely damaging to the couple’s healing. The betrayed spouse will need to ask questions in order to try to understand what has been happening or what is currently happening in the relationship. It is normal to ask the same question several times over an extended period. The betrayed spouse is seeking emotional safety where he/she thought they were safe, but found out that they were not.
When a betrayed spouse approaches to ask questions, the worst thing that can happen is to be met with defensiveness, shouting or anger outbursts. This will shut down communication and halter the healing process. For the relationship survival, it is a good sign when the betrayed spouse wants to engage and discuss. It is not a good sign when they become numb, checked out or really does not care anymore. I often remind people of the saying, “Those who have nothing to defend, defend nothing.” Defensiveness only make people look like there is something hidden, that they are doing something wrong, and it creates further doubt. Couples who do the best in the recovery process are the couples who can talk, share their feelings, take accountability for their own wrong doings, continue to talk and continue to answer questions as they may arise. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.  If you have discovered that your lover tell lies, you may want to fine tune your intuition, reflect on previous red flag behaviors, and try to come to terms with the fact that you may have to leave the relationship if you are dealing with an emotional manipulator.
I am not referring to white lies, such as stating that you like cheesecake, when you really don’t. I am referring to blatant lies. Someone telling you that they are not married and you later find out that they are indeed married, or your significant other tells you that they were getting an oil change when they were actually on a date with someone else. Those are big lies and could serve as huge red flags for where the relationship is headed. Often, people who can’t walk away when discovering these big lies are already emotionally invested and attached to the other person. When you are emotionally invested, you may not want to see reality. You may be so shocked and devastated that you turn a blind eye to the lie. You may start minimizing the lie and make up a story of why the lie was not so bad or hurtful. People who are good liars are typically really smooth talkers. They may keep on denying what you already know is the truth. They may tell you that you are overreacting. They may give you a made up explanation of why they didn’t tell you the truth to start, or they may tell you that that it was some else’s fault that they lied. Lies in adult relationships are not a good thing regardless of the “explanation”. Once a destructive lie is told and discovered, a path of mistrust is created. It is damaging to the relationship. It can be paralyzing to realize that you loved one is a liar. Give yourself some time to process your thoughts and feelings, get back in touch with your intuition, as it will help guide you. A relationship can survive if the lies end permanently and a lot of work is put into making the repair work to rebuild trust. In cases of pathological liars and sociopaths, you may want to start thinking of an exit plan for yourself and packing your bags. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.  When assessing and discussing marriage, people talk about how compatible they are, but the question: “Is your spouse a good companion?” seldom arises. When it does, people often talk about their spouse being a good parent, good sports coach to their kid’s team or being a good cook etc. What is a good companion? It would probably be defined differently amongst people and the criteria would also differ. Some people say that a good companion listens, is willing to talk, shares interests with you, is honest, reliable, kind, thoughtful, and respectful, just to mention a few. As you think of this, what comes up for you? As you make your mental list of what makes a good companion, now take a look at your spouse and yourself. Are you a good companion? Do you take interest in what your spouse does or is interested in? Does your spouse do the same for you? In cases of addiction and intimacy anorexia, you are not going to be able to be a good companion at this time. Addictions and Intimacy Anorexia draws you away from people and robs you of the ability to create emotional intimacy. People stuck in an addiction focus mainly on themselves and how to feed their addiction. It’s only through the recovery process that the person with the addiction can learn to honest, open, empathetic and eventually become a good companion. Addiction recovery focuses not only on sobriety, but also on how to become a better companion by targeting empathy building and emotional bonding. Marriage is complex and many factors have to work well in order to maintain a connected, loving marriage- companionship is certainly one of them. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.  Training, Certification, Research & Advocacy.March 2, 2016 Join us in Colorado Springs in April! APSATS will be participating in a conference in Colorado Springs, April 21-23 2016. APSATS will be providing a pre-conference on the 21st with workshops on the MPTM, Conducting Disclosures that are Partner Trauma informed, working with couples, etc. We join with IACSAS to provide a great networking and learning opportunity!! Learn More UPCOMING TRAININGS TOWARD CERTIFICATION APSATS 4 Day MPTM Live Training June 3/4 & June 10/11, 2016 Registration is now open Our next live web-based training is coming soon! Registration is open and we are filling fast. This 4 day training will take place over 2 weeks, meeting on the last two Fridays & Saturdays in January. These web-based trainings require you be at a computer with good internet access, microphone and webcam. The training will cover all of the material you'd receive in our face to face training, but from the comfort of your home or office and no travel! Register right away to make sure you don't miss this opportunity. Requirements to attend all trainings:
Introducing Michael Perry, Executive Director! We are very excited to announce that we have hired Michael Perry as our Executive Director to help lead APSATS into our next stages of growth. Michael comes to us with strong background in directing non-profit organizations and in fund-raising. He is also a trained clinician who is trauma-informed! Watch for more information as he settles into his role with us. What is APSATS? The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) is a non-profit organization dedicated to the professional training and certification, public education, research, and advocacy for treatment of sex addiction- induced trauma. APSATS is the only organization that specializes in the preparation and certification of Partner Specialists. We train and certify Certified Clinical Partner Specialists (CCPS) and Certified Partner Coaches (CPC) who subscribe to a developing treatment model that acknowledges and responds to the traumatic stress found in partners affected by sex addiction.  If you are a person in recovery, you have certainly traveled a long recovery journey: acknowledged your powerlessness, taken a personal inventory, shared your character defects and then eventually arrived at Step 9: Making Amends. Many find this step anxiety producing, yet freeing. You are at a spot in your recovery where you are able to take accountability for the hurt that your actions have caused others and to make amends.
What if your amends aren’t welcomed at the time that you are ready to take this significant step? What if your spouse or your teenage child does not want to hear or accept it? What if they are not ready? What if they can’t? As you will have needed support through this, so will they. It is important that everyone in the family unit receives counseling and/or attends appropriate meetings to get the support and knowledge that they will need on this journey. Your loved ones will have suffered consequences as a result of your actions. They will have experienced hurt, sadness, betrayal and anger. This list may go on and on. Step 9 involves making amends whenever possible, EXCEPT when it may hurt others. If your loved one is not ready, you can’t force them, nor should you. An angry, hurt teenager may not welcome your amends at this time. It will need to happen on their timeline- not yours. A distraught spouse may not have been able to work through their grief, hurt, anger that your addiction brought the family. They may not be ready when you get there. You can reach out, state your intent and ask them to let you know when they may be ready and willing to hear the amends. You have worked hard to get to this point. Your loved ones will have needed to work hard in order to be ready. It can’t be forced because you are ready. This step and healing only comes when everyone gets there. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.  How Facebook Can Influence Your Depression
Now a days, it appears as if more and more of us are glued to our devices- checking email, reading news, checking out how fabulously everyone else is doing in their perfect life as portrayed on Facebook. Did you hear about the latest studies? We have the tendency to be more depressed and discontent about our own lives when we spend a lot of time on Facebook. Not only are we spending that time away from communicating and connecting with our own loved ones, we are spending time seeing a well constructed portrait of how awesome and exciting everyone else’s life is. People generally post things related to highlights such as weddings, amazing travel, and romantic relationships. You don’t see many posts regarding scrubbing the toilet, being overdue on a bill, losing your patience with cranky kids, finding out about a partner’s infidelity, being snubbed off the latest promotion, having an awful rash, or having a panic attack at Target… So, you read all these fabulous posts and compare them your own life…well, most people don’t’ have romantic relationships that are perfect at all times, children aren’t perfect at all times and neither are we. Go easy on yourself. Don’t compare or judge yourself. Remind yourself that the perfect lives portrayed on Facebook are simply a snapshot in time. On Facebook you don’t get to hear about the stresses, anxieties, yet we all have them. Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area. |
AuthorIngela Edwards, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS is an individual and marriage therapist Categories
All
Archives
July 2016
|
RSS Feed