Anyone who is in recovery knows that there are times when the addict comes calling. The addict is the part of the brain that tells you that you should act out. The addict helps you minimize, deny and rationalize your behaviors. The early stages of recovery are tough because the addict has a lot of strength, is a part of rituals, and helps you feel “normal”. Obviously, you also know that the addict is also poisonous and will eventually turn your life into chaos.

So when the addict part of your brain, comes knocking, what can you do? Dr. Doug Weiss recommends that any person in sex addiction recovery utilizes The 5 Commandments. The 5 commandments
consist of:

1. Pray in themorning- this applies to all recovering addicts regardless of your religious affiliation or spiritual beliefs. If you are not involved in any religion or have any religious beliefs, Dr. Weiss still suggests that you pray. You might say: “Hi God, Higher Power, Guiding light,” or whatever you choose. “I do not believe in you, but I have been asked to pray. Please provide me with strength and courage to stay sober today.”

2. Meetings- you may have surrounded yourself with the false illusion that you can recover by yourself. You have told yourself that you can quit this addiction on your own. Over time, and many failures, you may realize that there is a power in being “WE” and “US” instead of being “I”. Attending meetings are powerful tools in keeping the addict at bay. There are free 12 step meetings, such as SLAA, SA and SAA. There are also therapeutic work groups offered at many therapists’offices. 

3. Calls- when the addict come calling, you pick up the phone and call the people who support you in your recovery. “We are not all insane at the same time,” is a saying from the 12 step community that implies that you may be struggling, and not able to see clearly at times, but there will be someone in your healing community who can help  you on the right track 

4. Recovery Readings- Knowledge is power; power to fight the urges that appear along the way. The more you read and learn about your addiction, the better equipped you will be to handle stress, triggers, and learning ways to guard yourself from your addict.

5. Pray in the evening- At the end of the day, you pray. Allow yourself to feel the pride, joy and relief for experiencing another day of
sobriety.

As you may have experienced, there is no quick fix or magic wand to
make this journey easy. Recovery is not a sprint; it is a marathon. You
practice, you seek insight and you seek support.  Other areas of importance to explore are: family of origin, boundaries, coping skills,
self-esteem and core messages.

Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC-Intern, NCC, therapist at McKinney Counseling and Recovery, specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. McKinney Counseling & Recovery serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Dallas and Sherman area.

Partners of sex addicts have sometimes been labelled as: codependent, enablers, co-addicts,and "dis-eased'
just to mention a few of the terms that I have heard in the last few years. The women whom I work with do not fit these labels that were automatically assigned to them in the past. Partners of sex addicts have been betrayed, exposed to lies
and secret keeping from the person that they thought was their best friend, confidant, and partner in life. Once a person’s life is turned upside down due to the revelation of a loved one’s sex addition, sex addiction induced trauma is likely to follow.

Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma (SAI-T) is defined by Omar Minwalla as:“the specific type of trauma and traumatic symptom clusters that result from the direct impact of sex addiction and its associated chronic patterns of sexual acting out, relational perpetration, emotional abuse, deception, betrayal, psychological manipulation and compartmentalization on self and others, particularly partners and spouses impacted by sex addiction.”

Barbara Steffens also described in her book, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, the trauma symptoms that are often present in many partners of sex addicts. Advocacy for the partner of the sex addict has been slow to change the ways experts in the field work with partners. Finally, it is here.

The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) was recently established by a team of professionals from across the United States who work with partners from a sex addiction induced trauma model perspective. The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) is a non-profit organization dedicated to the professional training and certification, public education, research, and advocacy for treatment of sex addiction-induced trauma.

Announcing the inaugural APSATS Board of Directors and officers:
Barbara Steffens PhD, LPCC, BCC , CCSAS – Cincinnati, Ohio - President
Omar Minwalla, PsyD – Los Angeles, California - Vice President
Janice Caudill, PhD, CSAT, SRT, SEP – McKinney, Texas - Vice President
Dan Drake, MFT, CSAT – Los Angeles, California -
Secretary
Dave Brown, M.Div.,LISW, CPSAS – Cincinnati, Ohio - Treasurer
Dorit Reichental, MA, MFT Intern, CPCC, ACC – Los Angeles, California
Richard Blankenship, MA, LPC, NCC, CCSAS – Atlanta, Georgia
Marnie Breecker, MA, MFT, CSAT – Los Angeles, California
Ella Hutchinson, MA, LPC, CCSAS – Houston, Texas
Ingela Edwards MS, LPC Intern, NCC – McKinney, Texas

I am proud to be a part of this movement and to serve on this board. For more information about APSATS, email [email protected]
or visit www.partnertraumaspecialists.org

Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC-Intern, NCC, therapist at McKinney Counseling and Recovery, specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. McKinney Counseling & Recovery serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Dallas and Sherman area.

Secrets usually surround and protect sex addiction. Commonly, sex addicts will minimize, deny or rationalize the addiction. The addict may tell himself that no one is getting hurt because the addiction is
done in secret. The truth is, eventually sex addiction leads to a state of
turmoil, and the family can also be strongly affected.

If you are a person who struggles with sex addiction, you may know the
personal pain that the addiction has brought you. You may have spent years trying to stop your behavior and struggled with feelings of shame, guilt and unworthiness.  Maybe you are still telling yourself that it doesn’t harm anyone, because no one knows? 
 
Your sex addiction not only harms you along the way. It also puts your
spouse in harm’s way.  If you are using pornography, you will probably have less time to nurture, support and build emotional intimacy with your spouse. As you go deeper into your addiction, you may be irritable and blaming towards your spouse and the addict part of you becomes very critical of others. When the lies to cover up the addiction have been exposed, your spouse will not trust you. She will experience pain, anxiety, confusion, and anger. She may starts experiencing trauma response like symptoms.  In cases of acting out with others, your spouse may have been exposed to STD’s as a result of your addiction.

 If you have children, they will be affected by your sex addiction also. They are affected when there is limited time spent with them because you choose your addiction over them. Emotionally, they may also suffer as most addicts are emotionally immature and do not know how to cope with negative emotions. Sex addiction will make you cranky and irritable, as the next “fix” is sought. Children may be exposed to angry outbursts and emotional neglect.  Your children may also lose out on their mother’s attention, as she may be too overwhelmed by your addiction to be totally present with the children. 

The ripple effect is enormous and goes way beyond what is discussed
here.  If you struggle with sex addiction, you deserve to experience recovery – not only for yourself, but also, for your spouse and your children. 

Ingela  Edwards, MS, LPC-Intern, NCC, therapist at McKinney Counseling and Recovery, specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. McKinneyCounseling & Recovery serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Dallas and Sherman area.