Anyone who is in recovery knows that there are times when the addict comes calling. The addict is the part of the brain that tells you that you should act out. The addict helps you minimize, deny and rationalize your behaviors. The early stages of recovery are tough because the addict has a lot of strength, is a part of rituals, and helps you feel “normal”. Obviously, you also know that the addict is also poisonous and will eventually turn your life into chaos.
So when the addict part of your brain, comes knocking, what can you do? Dr. Doug Weiss recommends that any person in sex addiction recovery utilizes The 5 Commandments. The 5 commandments
1. Pray in themorning- this applies to all recovering addicts regardless of your religious affiliation or spiritual beliefs. If you are not involved in any religion or have any religious beliefs, Dr. Weiss still suggests that you pray. You might say: “Hi God, Higher Power, Guiding light,” or whatever you choose. “I do not believe in you, but I have been asked to pray. Please provide me with strength and courage to stay sober today.”
2. Meetings- you may have surrounded yourself with the false illusion that you can recover by yourself. You have told yourself that you can quit this addiction on your own. Over time, and many failures, you may realize that there is a power in being “WE” and “US” instead of being “I”. Attending meetings are powerful tools in keeping the addict at bay. There are free 12 step meetings, such as SLAA, SA and SAA. There are also therapeutic work groups offered at many therapists’offices.
3. Calls- when the addict come calling, you pick up the phone and call the people who support you in your recovery. “We are not all insane at the same time,” is a saying from the 12 step community that implies that you may be struggling, and not able to see clearly at times, but there will be someone in your healing community who can help you on the right track
4. Recovery Readings- Knowledge is power; power to fight the urges that appear along the way. The more you read and learn about your addiction, the better equipped you will be to handle stress, triggers, and learning ways to guard yourself from your addict.
5. Pray in the evening- At the end of the day, you pray. Allow yourself to feel the pride, joy and relief for experiencing another day of
As you may have experienced, there is no quick fix or magic wand to
make this journey easy. Recovery is not a sprint; it is a marathon. You
practice, you seek insight and you seek support. Other areas of importance to explore are: family of origin, boundaries, coping skills,
self-esteem and core messages.
Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC-Intern, NCC, therapist at McKinney Counseling and Recovery, specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. McKinney Counseling & Recovery serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Dallas and Sherman area.
Ingela Edwards, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS is an individual and marriage therapist