Navigating the Rugged Iceberg- The Naked Truth about Sex Addiction

 Navigating the Rugged Iceberg -The Naked Truth about Sex Addiction

Imagine sex addiction (or many other behavioral addictions, for that matter) as a jagged, large iceberg. Only the tip of the iceberg is visible above the waterline. That tip is the addiction. It may have been hidden beneath the water line for many years, but eventually peeks up above and exposed for the world to see. It is first shocking and painful to  see the jagged, rough tip of the iceberg. You may have avoided, minimized and denied the tip of the iceberg for a long time. Maybe you had gotten a sneak peek of the tip periodically, as you were navigating the rough seas of life. Now the tip of the iceberg is blatantly visible.

As the shock and pain gradually subsides from seeing and realizing that the iceberg is real, you may wonder what is underneath the tip of iceberg. That part is still hidden beneath the rough and tumultuous seas. Underneath lies the pain of the deceits, relational trauma, unresolved issues- some stemming back to Family of origin, lack of intimacy, lack of trust,  and the scary unknown of “ How will we make it through this? How will I ever heal from this?” These are very normal questions for both addicts and partners of addicts.

For now, focus on one day at a time. Allow yourself to feel. Frightening emotions may come up that spreads through your body with pain and anxiety. Allow yourself to feel these emotions for 15 seconds. Sit with the feeling and release it.  With the help of a therapist trained in this area, and the help of a work group, you will be guided through the iceberg.

For partners, I recommend the book: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse- How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Barbara Steffens, PhD and Marsha Means, MA. For Addicts, start with Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes. Then, you join a group and work through the steps. Each step will guide you through the iceberg. Embrace yourself, be gentle with yourself, breathe and courageously, take the first step. Do not think of where each step will take you for now, you will see. There is hope and renewed joy once you complete your tour of the iceberg. Welcome to the tour of healing from sex addiction.

Written by: Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC-Intern, National Certified Counselor, McKinney, TX
Supervised by: Debra Larsen, MS, LPC-S