If you have discovered that your lover tell lies, you may want to fine tune your intuition, reflect on previous red flag behaviors, and try to come to terms with the fact that you may have to leave the relationship if you are dealing with an emotional manipulator.
I am not referring to white lies, such as stating that you like cheesecake, when you really don’t. I am referring to blatant lies. Someone telling you that they are not married and you later find out that they are indeed married, or your significant other tells you that they were getting an oil change when they were actually on a date with someone else. Those are big lies and could serve as huge red flags for where the relationship is headed.
Often, people who can’t walk away when discovering these big lies are already emotionally invested and attached to the other person. When you are emotionally invested, you may not want to see reality. You may be so shocked and devastated that you turn a blind eye to the lie. You may start minimizing the lie and make up a story of why the lie was not so bad or hurtful.
People who are good liars are typically really smooth talkers. They may keep on denying what you already know is the truth. They may tell you that you are overreacting. They may give you a made up explanation of why they didn’t tell you the truth to start, or they may tell you that that it was some else’s fault that they lied.
Lies in adult relationships are not a good thing regardless of the “explanation”. Once a destructive lie is told and discovered, a path of mistrust is created. It is damaging to the relationship. It can be paralyzing to realize that you loved one is a liar. Give yourself some time to process your thoughts and feelings, get back in touch with your intuition, as it will help guide you. A relationship can survive if the lies end permanently and a lot of work is put into making the repair work to rebuild trust. In cases of pathological liars and sociopaths, you may want to start thinking of an exit plan for yourself and packing your bags.
Ingela Edwards, MS, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS specializes in helping individuals and couples heal from sex addiction, infidelity, intimacy anorexia, and intimacy deprivation. Ingela Edwards Counseling serves the McKinney, Plano, Allen, Frisco, Carrollton, Lewisville, Dallas and Sherman area.
Ingela Edwards, LPC, NCC, SRT, CCPS is an individual and marriage therapist